Since October 21 we have been getting bad news after bad news from the doctors. From virus's to swollen ventricles. From Down syndrome to a not functioning heart.
At first I would cry and cry until I would get headaches. I would pray and pray like it was in my control. At around January I realized NONE of this is in my control no matter how much I want it to be or no matter how bad I want to change it. Instead we see and appreciate everything in our midst. And, with God's help, To make it more than we could have imagined.
I never thought I would have a special needs child. Especially since my Dad passed away with diabetes and Chris has had two brothers with autism. I foolishly thought that was it for us the rest of life should be a breeze, right? WRONG! Life is hard. It's suppose to be hard and it might not get easier. And that's ok because we have been given unlimited resources to help us support and and sustain us. And are surrounded by things that we should find joy in and do!
"Every journey has a secret destination of which the traveler is unaware." It's couldn't be more true for our little family. And even though we were unaware, unprepared and especially are UNDESERVING this is our new journey and we are excited to face it together.
For some reason we have been flooded with the most kind and heart felt messages full of encouragement and compliments. However I can't help but feel overwhelmed and inadequate. I have done nothing but cry and pray while somehow finding strength far beyond my own. To do nothing more than survive. Zuzu on the other hand is adjusting to a new world a body (a sick body at that) a different nurse every 12 hours. Trying to learn how to eat, breath, suck, poop, burp, communicate and all the while changing my heart, altering my perspective and some how making me feel like the luckiest mom on this planet to have been entrusted with her. One look a her and you know she is special. One minute with her and you know she is destined to change lives that her purpose on this
earth is far greater then mine.
Zuzu is doing well. There are good days, really good days, bad days and terribly bad days but she smiles and pushes through it. And all through it she comforts US, makes US feel special makes US feel like we were chosen for something so great but aren't capable to understand it yet.